The "What If's"

Greeting Everybody,
This morning I want to talk about "The What If's".
It seems that I have developed a big ole case of them.
And they have been robbing me of sleep and of joy.

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The past several nights, I have been awakened in the middle of the night with feelings of dread.


My dreams have been sad.


I am not liking this.


I strongly suspect that the triggering event for this case of "The What If's" is daddy's recent injury and the surgery that is scheduled for tomorrow.


Now let me get a few things on the table regarding this issue:.
1.  I am not exactly worried that daddy will die during the surgery. That's not it.


          -Daddy is a baptized believer who loves the Lord and Served HIM well.


          -His reward will be heaven.


          -And if he dies during surgery, then yes there will be sadness, but there will 
           also be rejoicing.


          -If FAITH is as it SHOULD be in our lives, there is ALWAYS an element of 
           rejoicing when a Saint Goes Home.


No the issue is not IF he dies...


2.  The issue is that whether he lives OR dies...my parents are almost beyond being 
     able to tend to themselves any longer.


           -And though I know that they need to be in Assisted Living, and they have 
            indeed already selected the place that they ultimately want to go to...they do 
            not think its time yet.


           -How do I look my dad in the eyes and say:

           "Daddy give me your keys" 

            OR   

                  

            "Today you and Momma have to leave your home        

            and go live somewhere else".

           -The moment I do that I take on the weight of their lives.


           -Their independence it strongly linked to MY independence.


           -If they can't live by themselves any more, then I need to step up and become 
            their caretaker.




3.  But there is more.
     I think the BIGGEST issue here is this:  


            -I have never done this before.


            -I don't know HOW to do this.


            -In order to protect them, I have to take away their independence and 
             autonomy 


            -They will feel threatened and embarrassed about being told that they are 
             incapable of living on their own any longer.


And though intellectually I KNOW it is the right thing to do, I don't want to be the BAD GUY in their eyes!!!


What if I am not ready for that?


Bottom Line:  I have never in my life exacted MY WILL over my Parents Will...and the notion of doing so just rips my heart out.


Yes..."The What If's" that I am experiencing are really and significantly troubling me.


And unfortunately I have allowed "the evil one" to conjure the worst case scenarios in my mind.


I need to claim some scriptures this morning because they are the best "What If" busters I know of:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


"Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:3


"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." 
James 4:17


Thanks for listening folks.  
I know that some of you have been in the same situation too.
It's just hard isn't it!


Yet I know that The Lord will see our family through this time. '
And I am praying that HE prepares my parents' hearts & minds, gives me the right words, and has me speak those words at JUST the Right Time.


Heavenly Father, I SUBMIT to your will in this matter
...please lead me to do what is right in YOUR EYES.


In Him,
Grace

Update on Yesterdays Events

Greetings All,
Need to make a correction on something...


Yesterday we were all set to go the hospital for my Sister In Laws surgery.
Had my Big Bag packed with all sorts of things I might need while sitting in the surgical waiting room.


But, as I mentioned in yesterdays post...Hubby was sick.


We left the house, stopped to get breakfast...and he started looking horrible.
Eyes sunken.
Delayed Responses When Spoken To.
We were not sure if this was related to his current cold or to his diabetes...or both.


It was a bit disconcerting.


He told me that he was nauseated and that he felt like everything was moving in slow motion.


And since that particular hospital is located more than an hour away from where we live, he was a concerned about driving on major highways while feeling woozy...and about being that far away from home in case he started feeling even worse. 


(Yes I could have driven instead of him, and I started to offer to do just that, but decided that it was wiser to not push him into doing something that we might end up regretting.)


Bottom Line:  We did not go to the hospital yesterday to be with other family members in that surgery waiting room.


I felt really bad about that too...but at the same time I knew that he was sick and needed to be at home where I could take care of him.


The reason that I am talking about this right now is that I didn't want to leave that post from yesterday just hanging in the air as if we had done something that we did not end up doing.


(Might be silly of me to feel the need to post an update like this, but PERSONAL INTEGRITY and TRUTH are pretty important to me. Indicating that we were about to do something that we did not end up doing, feels wrong to me.  So...I needed to post this update on yesterdays plans)


We were however, able to keep track of my Sister In Laws status by phone with those who were at the hospital.


She got through the surgery, but there was infection in the surgery site...and she is not out of the woods yet.


Depending on how hubby is feeling today we may or may not be driving to go see her today.  
If he is still sick, the last thing she needs is to be exposed to someone with "Respiratory Ick".


Time Will Tell.


Ok...thanks for letting me set the record straight about yesterdays events.


In Him,
Grace

The Surgery Date Got Moved to Today

Greetings Everybody,
Today has the mark hardship and looming crisis all over it.  
My Sister-In-Laws surgery date was moved to today...2 days earlier than planned.

And the day will undoubtedly be filled with stress.


I claim Philippians 4:7 " And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."


In about an hour we will be all packed up to spend a very long day at the hospital...for a potential 12-14 hour long surgery. 
And MY hospital travel bag will be at my side.


My bag will contain all of the essentials:
-The phone charger
-My Kindle and its Charger
-A small blanket
-Some fruit (yes the banana's & Clementines will travel nicely)
-Some peanut butter and bread and a plastic knife or two
-Some napkins and small plates.
-A few bottled waters
-Some Hot Tea Bags & Sugar & a couple of plastic spoons
-A deck of cards
-My Laptop & the cords for it
-A few DVD's


Been down this road many times.
Know to come prepared to stay for a very long time.


Meanwhile, there is the matter of my husband not feeling well either.
Pretty Substantial Chest Cold going on, and I am unable to persuade him to stay home today.


(Understandable since he wants to be with his family during this time, but he feels awful and I am protective of him & really really wish he would just stay home today.)


But he wants to be there to support his Brother in Law and his own Elderly parents as they all wait through this long "surgical waiting room" day.


We are blessed to have alot of family to support each other.
My daughter is going and is taking the baby...since the little guy won't be exposed to  germs in the Emergency Room, she figures it will be OK.


I pray that she is correct.


(Yes I am protective of that baby too...it's not my decision about whether or not to take him, its HERS, but, in all honestly I am not particularly comfortable with the thought of him being in the hospital at all.  But Grandmaw  probably needs to just  shut up about this I suppose.  Sigh...probably true.)


A few days ago I posted something about ENOUGH:)...yeah this is another one of those times. 


So many people, hurting in so many ways.


But today hubby and I have ENOUGH:).


We have enough stamina to go and be FAMILY in that waiting room.
We have enough gas to drive to that hospital.
We have enough money to buy our meals out today.
We have enough love to be supportive.
We have enough time...since school got out yesterday and hubby and I are both on Christmas Break now.


This is NOT how we had planned to spend today.


Today was supposed to be filled with shopping and festivity and fun for us both.


But we are called to Family Duty today, and we will answer that call Faithfully.


God's timing is perfect such things.


Again today...there is ENOUGH:)


In Him,
Grace