In the Family

Greetings Everybody,
It's Sunday morning, and here I sit again, contemplating God.
I really enjoy contemplating God...probably can't explain it to anybody else, but there is just something peaceful and right about my daily morning prayer time with Him.  


However, my prayer time is done for the morning, and now I'd like to catch you guys up with what's been going on since my last post.


Let's just say that this week has been a busy one.


On Tuesday our new granddaughter was born...and as you might imagine, there has been quite a bit of flurry going on.


We got to babysit our grandson some during our daughter's hospitalization, and that was really nice too.


BTW, it is really special to watch this 11 month old child interact with his new baby sister. 


He toddles up to her, and pats her...and then extends his pointer finger and touches the tip of her tiny nose...and giggles.  And then he is off on his next adventure as he toddles around the house.


He is so very gentle with her.  


None of us were sure how he was going to respond to this "interloper in his mothers arms" lol...but he has shown no jealousy or resentment whatsoever.


In Fact...he is particularly tender with her.


It's almost as if he knows she is fragile and that he needs to be careful with her.


And we are all grateful for that. 
We know not to assume that he will always be this way, but at the present it is very sweet to watch him interact with her.


The Grandmother-In-Me thinks that it is pretty cool to know that as he grows up, she will be written so smoothly into the memories of his own childhood that he will probably never remember life WITHOUT her.
And that she will have no memory of life without him either.


For the rest of their lives, they will be bonded and fused as Family.
They will be Significantly, Sufficiently, and most Assuredly Bonded & Fused as Family.


And there you have it...
Security.


We all want security
We all want safety
We all want to know that we are loved.


And my Grandson and Granddaughter will grow up like that.


They have their parents and they have each other and they have grandparents and aunts and uncles.


God, made this incredible support system for little babies  called The Family.


And when that support system is in place, and God is at the center of those families, Families are Powerful.


Families are The Most Impressive TASK FORCE ever assembled.


The God Centered Strong Family Unit wages a daily battle against, drugs, gangs, violence, and evil.


And God Centered Strong The Family Unit wages this war with unquenchable love, courage, discipline, encouragement, strength, stamina, diligence, determination and a whole lot of prayer.


And that God Centered Strong Family Unit has a very impressive win/loss ratio in these daily battles.


God, thank you for Families.


Thank you for the Mommy's and Daddy's who lovingly hold strong to your ways.


Thank you for Grandparents who do the same.


Thank you for this system.


Thank you for solid marriages that stand the test of time.


Thank you for commitment to those wedding vows.


Thank you for fidelity, and loyalty, and strength.


Thank you for the Fun of the Family Table, where we eat and laugh and share acceptance and tell stories.


Thank you for the Unity Created and the Sense of Belonging found at our Family Table.


God, this Family thing is such an Impressive Force For Good.


Father, as I contemplate YOU this morning, I have been granted a tiny insight as to the wisdom with which you designed us the way you did.


You created us to need each other.


We don't lay eggs like turtles.


Instead, YOU bring human life into this world in small numbers...and you give us helpless babies who require constant love & attention...and you help us to bond with them.


We are special like that.


We are made in the image of YOU.
"Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground." Genesis 1:26


And if we are made in the image of YOU, and we are made with the need of our Parents loving care and attention...then God, I understand why I am so drawn to my time with YOU.


YOU are my Heavenly Father.
And I am part of YOUR Family.


YOU Help me. 
YOU Feed My Soul. 
YOU Make Me Strong.


In my morning prayer times...YOU hold me, and YOU feed me and YOU cause me to feel secure.


This is when YOU reassure me that I am
Significantly, Sufficiently, and most Assuredly Bonded & Fused into YOUR Family.

Scripture says that when I put on Christ in baptism, I become a member of the family of God and an heir of your blessings...right along with Jesus Christ.

"The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory." Romans 8: 16-17

I am part of YOUR Family.

And there you have it...

Security.

We all want security

We all want safety

We all want to know that we are loved.

I rejoice in the knowledge that my Grandson and Granddaughter will grow up like that because of their Earthly Family.


And I pray that, when they are older that they will Come to Christ, be baptized, and then be Adopted into the Family of Faith.


And in The Family of Faith, you grow for the rest of your life.

Yes, even though I am in my 50's, I am still growing in the Family of Faith.

I grow each morning during in prayer time with God.

And I grow more bonded and more secure in The Family of Faith, every time I attend worship services with my other Brothers & Sisters in Christ.

I am most certainly still growing in the Family of Faith.

And I crave to be bonded and fused more every day to YOU my Heavenly Father.


My hearts desire is to be Significantly, Sufficiently, and most Assuredly Bonded & Fused into YOUR Family Forever....AMEN!

In Him,

Grace

Cloud Watching: The Anti-Venom for Busy-Ness

Greetings Everybody, 
We have all looked up at the sky and seen clouds. 


Do you remember Elementary School and learning the types of clouds?


I Do: Stratus, Cumulus, Cirrus & Nimbus


And most us have at one time or another passed a pleasant bit of time watching those clouds.   


Please tell me that you have watched clouds before???  If you haven't, you might want to try it sometime.  It's very relaxing.


Most folks I know deal with stress , but lots of those same people refuse to take time to just be still and breathe.


Meditation is Good For The Body and The Soul


God even tells us to be still and contemplative.


"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth." Psalms 46:10


But alas, we resist.


These days it seems it's all about being busy.
As if being busy equals being successful.


But it doesn't.


Being busy sometimes causes us to lose touch with what is most important to us: Faith, Family and Friends.


I know a whole lot of people who would be a whole lot happier if they would just slow down and spend a little time being spiritually contemplative


 ...and then maybe look up and watch clouds.


A good dose of Cloud Watching might serve as a pretty good anti-venom for all that "Busy-Ness" that is poisoning our society.


Yeah clouds have fascinated me since I was a kid. 


Was it just ME...or did anybody else ever think that clouds were giant cotton balls in the sky?


Did Thunder also fascinate you guys?


As a little girl, I used to think that thunder was caused when one dark & angry cloud bumped into another dark & angry cloud.  


Not sure if somebody told me that, or I just "figured it out for myself".


Such is childhood...


Anyway, although I'm a grandmother now, clouds are still compelling to me. I can totally lose track of time while watching them.


This morning for example... I watched a particularly dark cloud display a sudden brilliance at the highest peak of its formation. 


It was almost as if Gods' Glory was shining through the top of the cloud...even in the midst of its' "blustering anger". 

And of course...the life lesson revealed itself to me: 

In the midst of our darkness, 

God is still there. 

His Glory is ALWAYS there and is ALWAYS shining.

If we want to see that glory though, it's important that we seek it by looking UPWARD rather than INWARD! :)

Perhaps instead of spending our time floating through life like clouds, 

bumping & thundering & "raining",

we should try to reflect some of His Glory for others to see.

God is closer than we think.

In Him,

Grace

The Lost Kids

Greetings Everybody,
Wanna talk with you about The Lost Kids.


I am not talking about Miscarriages, or Abductions, or Runaways...
But I AM talking about the ones who have been so damaged by Adults that they may never fully recover.


Amazingly...The Lost Kids that I am referring to today are NOT categorically the ones who have survived Physical or Sexual abuse.  


The Lost Kids that I am referring to today are NOT categorically the ones who have a Parent who has an Addiction Problem.


The Lost Kids I am referring Today are ones with Broken Hearts and Trust Issues because Mommy and Daddy Got Divorced.


YES I have seen kids from divorced families who are Happy and Highly Functional.  
But they are Few.
And they are Far Between.


I know that raising a child in the presence of fighting and hatred isn't wonderful either


...and I know that parents are often torn between staying with a horrible person for the Sake of the kids
 OR 
divorcing a horrible person for the Sake of the kids.


All I can tell you is that, in my 20 plus years of observing students in my classroom,  the majority of the kids from divorced homes are Typically NOT Happy NOR are They Highly Functional.


Clearly there are Socio-Economic Status factors at play.


Clearly there are Support System factors at play.


But to quote one my students...
 "Parents don't realize that divorce messes kids up for a long time."




Now before anybody starts clammering and throwing rocks at me over this issue of how divorce impacts kids...let me clarify a little bit.
1.  I am not citing double-blind clinical studies here.
2.  I am not citing statistics.
3.  I am not a psychologist, psychiatrist, social worker, or counselor.
4. I am simply offering insights based on what I have observed over a couple of decades of working with kids.




Clearly I am NOT an expert 
on Divorce and its Impact on kids.


But I AM a High School Speech Teacher and as such, I listen to kids talk all the time. 


I hear what they are Afraid to tell their parents
BUT will openly share with their Peers in a Speech Class.


And they talk all the time about how Divorce is Awful.


Did I just hear somebody muttering  "Other than quoting one of your students, what evidence can you bring to the table to solidify your assertion that divorce messes kids up for a long time?" 


Well...glad you asked.


Please keep reading.  


There is a certain Visual Aid based Speech Project, called "My Life Chart" that my students build and present in class to their peers and to me.


It's a graph of the highs and lows of their lives.


We discuss positive and negative graphing, and then the students build the X/Y axis on which to graph SOME information about their lives. 


I ask them to limit their graphs to 10 items.


They get to choose what they talk about, and are told that they do NOT have to discuss anything that is Deeply Personal.


Yet they do.


They tell about pregnancies.
They tell about about abortions.
They tell about going to jail.


They talk about their 13th, 15th, 16th, and 18th birthdays.
They talk about Family Reunions.


They tell about Drug and Gang involvement.
They tell about personal pain: car wrecks, broken bones, surgeries


But the MOST LIKELY TOPIC TO BE DISCUSSED IS THEIR PARENTS' DIVORCE.


Just so you know...This particular assignment gets wonderful reviews from Students AND Administrators. 


The Kids get to talk without notes and speak based on the prompts on their visual aids. 
They tell me that they LIKE this assignment.


The Administrators LIKE it too because it is a cross-curricular assignment that promotes higher level thinking.

Disclaimer: I did NOT come up with this on my own.
It is research-based (Rief 1992) and I have provided one of the samples used in that research for you guys to take a look at before we go any further with this discussion.

Sample of Visual Aid for a speech presentation called "MY LIFE CHART" (as used Under Data Camera)

oRief, L. (1992). Seeking Diversity. Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.

      

Let's continue with my Anecdotal Evidence asserting that "Divorce messes kids up for a long time.".


The Process for Building and Presenting this speech goes like this:


1.  Each student in the class generates his/her own Visual Aid (X/Y Graph) about their own life events. (10 items)


2.  During these presentations the lights in the classroom are dim so that the projection can be read on the screen.  


3.  The students speak openly and honestly and very freely about the good, the bad, the happy and the sad parts of their lives.


And time, after time, after time I hear the story of how Parents Divorced, and how Horrible it was to Endure, and how it Still hurts, and how they wish their Family was still a FAMILY.


Here's another observation that is most Salient for me...
Most of the time the divorce is the lowest point on their chart and it is then followed by a series of low events.


The charts that my students produce lead me to believe that for many of them, their parents divorce serves as the the LOWEST turning point in their lives and there is rarely a HIGH that counterbalances the depth of that LOW. 


In Essence and in Layman's Terms...it appears to change their Happiness Threshold for a long time.


I guess it's a further sign of our times, that it is now very rare for me to have more than 5 students in a class of 30 who have both biological parents who are married to each other.


Did I just hear somebody say "So What?"


Really?


Here's your "So What?"!


Parents neither Can Mitigate, nor should they even Try to Mitigate every Negative Experience in their kids lives.


Emotionally Healthy Individuals MUST develop the ability to cope with the Highs & Lows of life.


But here's what Parents SHOULD try to Mitigate: If at all possible they should not make life altering decisions that will serve as a SOURCE of Pain and Misery for their Children for Years to Come.


I Understand That Sometimes Divorce is Warranted.
I don't like it. 
But I understand it.


But Marriage Vows should never be treated like a pair of Disposable Gloves.


Quite Frankly, The next time you want to cheat on your spouse...the next time you want to cash in all of your marital chips...the next time you feel like taking your wedding ring off and hurling it into the abyss...I want you to visualize your sons and your daughters standing at the podium in the front of a classroom with tears in their eyes as they talk about how much YOU hurt them.


I want you to visualize those faces.
And I want you to contemplate the hearts that will be broken
...the hearts that will very likely have Trust Issues for a long long time because of YOUR actions.


I have seen so many of these Lost Kids that I too am a little heartsick.


And I wonder how they will ever learn to Trust again.


If you and your spouse have been tossing around 
"The D Word", please remember that far too often Divorce is a Wound that Festers in a Child's Heart for Years and Years and Years.


It's possible that YOU may be eager and able to "move on" quickly after a divorce.


But it is also possible that your Children may see that Divorce as Deepest Level of Negativity 
on the Life Chart of their Lives.


In Him,
Grace

Huckleberry Preserves and God

Greetings Everyone,
Today I want to focus on one very small gift that we received this Christmas..a little 8 ounce jar of Huckleberry preserves.


My Father in  Law gave this to us, among other gifts, and it would be easy to dismiss the significance of the gift.


But I get it.


We are blessed to live within about 15 minutes of my parents, and within about 20 minutes of my In Laws.


We have a ton of family in this area, and we get to see them all the time.


However, this last summer, during the hottest part of the summer, my In Laws took the RV and went up into the Montana mountains.


If memory serves, they were away from us for a full 2 months.


But clearly they were thinking of us.


Because my Father In Law bought a whole case of 8 ounce Huckleberry Preserves while they were up there, and every single family unit in our extended family got a jar of the preserves this Christmas.


Months ago, he was thinking about how good this would taste on warm buttered biscuits.
Months ago, he was loved us enough to "put aside this small blessing for the perfect time."


And isn't God just like that too!


He sends us blessings, large and small, at the perfect time.


Luke 11:11-13 ¹¹ “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for^[a] a fish, will give him a snake instead? ¹² Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? ¹³ If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”


And He is in charge of time.


Acts 1:7 "He said to them: 'It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority'." 


And yet, most of the time we simply go the refrigerator and get the Huckleberry Preserves out and slather it on our warm buttered biscuits never taking the time to realize that it was not just dumb luck that caused us to have the preserves, or the refrigerator it was in, or the biscuits, or the butter or the oven the biscuits were made in.


We forget that we are blessed.
We forget to say Thank You.
We fail to acknowledge all the tiny pieces of the puzzle of our lives that had to be put in place for us to be where we are today.


But OUR FATHER has been watching over us as we sleep and helping us throughout our whole lives...and we need to remember that HE has been there all along...


Psalms 121: 1-8 
"¹ I lift up my eyes to the hills— 
   where does my help come from?
² My help comes from the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.
 ³ He will not let your foot slip—
   he who watches over you will not slumber;
⁴ indeed, he who watches over Israel
   will neither slumber nor sleep.
 ⁵ The LORD watches over you—
   the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
⁶ the sun will not harm you by day,
   nor the moon by night.
 ⁷ The LORD will keep you from all harm—
   he will watch over your life;
⁸ the LORD will watch over your coming and going
   both now and forevermore."

Warm Buttered Biscuits and Huckleberry Preserves sound pretty good right now.

In Him,

Grace

Student E and Afghanistan

Greetings Everyone,
Today I get to tell you about a former student of mine with whom I am still in active communication.


Maybe I can "word-paint" a picture of her for you:


She is a light skinned, dark haired, beautiful Hispanic female with a flawless complexion.


She has an athletes body, not an ounce of fat on her.


And she "connects the dots" very quickly, meaning that not only is she intelligent, but she is astute as well.


She has gentle waves in her hair and wears it in a classy style not quite shoulder length.


She has a great smile.


I will call her Student E.


She calls me Momma.


No she is not my child, but I have seen her through a few things.


No she is not my child, but still I am very proud of her.


I can tell you exactly where she used to sit in my classroom and if I close my eyes, I can still see her sitting there.


And I can tell you that I fed her when she had no food to eat and no money to buy any.


It's been several years since she graduated from high school.


She is currently stationed in Hawaii and in January will ship out to Afghanistan with a MEDEVAC team.


How do I know this?
Like I said, we are in communication.


We email, and visit by phone.


She has become a full fledged grown up woman.


And she has fought her way to the top of her chosen profession.


When she first contemplated going into the military, she would come back to my classroom during lunch to sit and talk about her options.


When she went off to basic training, she stayed in contact with me...though her ability to do so was limited.


Through every step, whenever she has gotten "Leave" she comes back to town, sees her REAL family, and then finds a way to see Momma Grace.


She has been calling me Momma for many years now.


I never told her to go into the military.
I never told her NOT to go into the military.


I just helped her itemize her list of Pro's & Con's on the issue.
There were many factors to consider.


She made her own decision on the matter though.


Much to the consternation of some of her family.


She loves her family and she respects her family.


But there was a disconnect there as well.


The cause of the disconnect is fairly simple to diagnose: She is a female.


And unfortunately in Hispanic Culture, sometimes (not always, but sometimes), daughters are not as highly valued as sons.


This was one of those times...


...which has something to do with why she calls me Momma.


We connected.


By Law, Teachers become "In Loco Parentis" (Latin Phrase meaning: In The Place of a Parent) when kids are with us at school.


We are to protect them just as if they were our own.


We know that we are NOT their actual parents, but we are supposed to BE THERE FOR THE STUDENT to watch over, protect and guide them so that they are not harmed.


In this case, my "In Loco Parentis" duties turned out to be bigger than I ever dreamed.


She did NOT get guidance from home about this decision.
There were great difficulties at home.


And school was the secure harbor.


As I said, she has a brilliant mind and she excelled academically.


But culturally, she did not fit "The Mold" that her parents had in mind for her.


She did not want marriage right after high school.


She did not want to be cooking, cleaning, and chasing babies around the house before she reached her 20's.


She wanted something else.


It's not that she didn't want to be married eventually.
It's not that she didn't want children eventually.


But first, she needed to prove herself.


She needed to break out of the cultural mold her family had in mind for her.


She wanted to be In Medicine, but had NO financial ability to go to College.


Her Father lost his job and the small amount of money available would not cover her college.


Because her family was in financial straits she got a job.


She paid for EVERY NEED she had: her food, her clothes, her car, her gas, her insurance, her phone and all the costs associated with Senior Year.


She covered EVERY expense she needed to cover during the last two years she lived at home.


But working came with a cost that she could NOT cover.


Because she had to work the last two years of high school her grades suffered. (She worked 40 hours a week...astonishing huh!)


Because the grades suffered the scholarship opportunities dried up.


No scholarships meant no college. 


Her parents forbid her to file for financial aid for college, and she did not force the issue in order to avoid shaming her unemployed Father.


She took a different tack though.


She researched her goals and how to get there and despite the fact that our country was engaged in war, she opted to go into the military.


Two days ago I got an email from her (the same day I received her Christmas Card from Hawaii).  


She has met someone special. 


He is 9 years older than she is, but is in the same unit, and they will be shipping out together.


She is now "In Medicine".


And she has told me that for the first time in her life, she doesn't feel alone.


It's ironic that she is headed to war-torn Afghanistan with a bright shiny new career as well as someone she loves.


I pray that God protects her and her newfound love.
I pray that they flourish in ways we can't comprehend.
I pray that her REAL family finally realizes exactly how incredible she is.


She has been so hungry for them to value her.
She has longed for their approval and support.
She has craved a loving family.


But Right Now, The Military IS Her Family.


FAMILY IS WHERE YOU FIND IT.


Blood ties are so very strong.
But when blood ties fail to support and value and sustain us...humans will inevitably find OTHER family members who will do what REAL families did not do.


Student E found Me.
Student E found the Military.
Student E found a Man who values her intelligence, her skills, her abilities, and basically everything about her...and they met on a military base in Hawaii.


Who knows, one day she may have it all...the career, the marriage, AND the kids.


Only time will tell.


FAMILY IS WHERE YOU FIND IT.


For those of you who are blessed to have family around you, take a lesson from this story.
CHERISH your family members.
TELL each of them that you LOVE them.
TREAT each of them with dignity and respect.


Because FAMILY IS WHERE YOU FIND IT, 
and if someone does not find STRONG FAMILY LOVE with you, that LOVE can be withdrawn from you and deposited with OTHER people...which is why Student E calls me Momma Grace.


btw...She has asked me to send her pictures from home while she is in Afghanistan.


And I will.


FAMILY IS WHERE YOU FIND IT.


Is there anyone in your life whom you need to FIND time to call right now?


Is there anyone in your life you need to FIND time to go visit today?


Is there someone down the hall in your home you need to go FIND and hug on today?


Just thought I'd ask :)


In Him
Grace