The "What If's"

Greeting Everybody,
This morning I want to talk about "The What If's".
It seems that I have developed a big ole case of them.
And they have been robbing me of sleep and of joy.

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The past several nights, I have been awakened in the middle of the night with feelings of dread.


My dreams have been sad.


I am not liking this.


I strongly suspect that the triggering event for this case of "The What If's" is daddy's recent injury and the surgery that is scheduled for tomorrow.


Now let me get a few things on the table regarding this issue:.
1.  I am not exactly worried that daddy will die during the surgery. That's not it.


          -Daddy is a baptized believer who loves the Lord and Served HIM well.


          -His reward will be heaven.


          -And if he dies during surgery, then yes there will be sadness, but there will 
           also be rejoicing.


          -If FAITH is as it SHOULD be in our lives, there is ALWAYS an element of 
           rejoicing when a Saint Goes Home.


No the issue is not IF he dies...


2.  The issue is that whether he lives OR dies...my parents are almost beyond being 
     able to tend to themselves any longer.


           -And though I know that they need to be in Assisted Living, and they have 
            indeed already selected the place that they ultimately want to go to...they do 
            not think its time yet.


           -How do I look my dad in the eyes and say:

           "Daddy give me your keys" 

            OR   

                  

            "Today you and Momma have to leave your home        

            and go live somewhere else".

           -The moment I do that I take on the weight of their lives.


           -Their independence it strongly linked to MY independence.


           -If they can't live by themselves any more, then I need to step up and become 
            their caretaker.




3.  But there is more.
     I think the BIGGEST issue here is this:  


            -I have never done this before.


            -I don't know HOW to do this.


            -In order to protect them, I have to take away their independence and 
             autonomy 


            -They will feel threatened and embarrassed about being told that they are 
             incapable of living on their own any longer.


And though intellectually I KNOW it is the right thing to do, I don't want to be the BAD GUY in their eyes!!!


What if I am not ready for that?


Bottom Line:  I have never in my life exacted MY WILL over my Parents Will...and the notion of doing so just rips my heart out.


Yes..."The What If's" that I am experiencing are really and significantly troubling me.


And unfortunately I have allowed "the evil one" to conjure the worst case scenarios in my mind.


I need to claim some scriptures this morning because they are the best "What If" busters I know of:

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


"Honor your father and mother"--which is the first commandment with a promise--that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Ephesians 6:3


"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." 
James 4:17


Thanks for listening folks.  
I know that some of you have been in the same situation too.
It's just hard isn't it!


Yet I know that The Lord will see our family through this time. '
And I am praying that HE prepares my parents' hearts & minds, gives me the right words, and has me speak those words at JUST the Right Time.


Heavenly Father, I SUBMIT to your will in this matter
...please lead me to do what is right in YOUR EYES.


In Him,
Grace

Let's Talk About The Word DICHOTOMY

Greetings Everybody,


Let's talk about the word DICHOTOMY.


Basically, Dichotomy refers to the ability to hold two seemingly opposite thoughts simultaneaously.


For Example:
It is possible to value Liberty so much that you are willing to Lay Down Your Own Life (and thus the Liberty you value so much) so that OTHERS may have Liberty.


Yes, I believe that this would be a really good example of a dichotomous situation.


But Dichotomy doesn't always come in such lofty measure...LIBERTY isn't always the subject.


Sometimes dichotomy is exhibited in families during the holidays...in fact I would venture to say that many families experience it during the holidays.


Imagine, if you will, a children's playground...with one of those teeter-totter things.
(Now unless my memory is wrong, I believe that the Teeter-Totter is that big wooden plank with a seat for a child on either end. And the way it works is that when one side is up in the air, the other side is down near the ground. The fulcrum holds the balance as the kids take turns pushing their legs against the ground so that each side gets a turn to go up and down.   Remember those things?)


Isn't LIFE just a big ole Dichotomous Teeter-Totter?


Here we are, all aflutter with the Christmas Season upon us....but we know that this is a temporary high.


Joy is Balanced by Sadness.


In our case, there are several things currently pulling at us.
Causing us to go up and down.


My Sister in Law is due to have major surgery on December 22.
She has had ongoing health issues for years and years.
In addition, Hubby and I have in the past and will again, be helping her and her husband with food...for weeks at a time.


This is a complicated situation.
We love them.
But we can not sustain them financially.
In all fairness, they did not ask us to do this forever.
But as I mentioned in my post last night, Family Helps Family, and we want to help them.


But there are limits to our ability.
We both work, and can not be there for them every day.
In THIS case, we do not have ENOUGH.


It seems that so very many of the people we love really need help right now.
And the Joy of our ability to help is balanced by the knowledge that this is a  bigger need than we can cover.


We have ENOUGH to help SOME of those we love, 
But Not Enough to help ALL of those we love.


Another area of concern this season is my Mom & Dad..
Though I am reticent to discuss it fully in this format, my mother is mentally ill, with the addition of a host of daily medical issues....and my beloved Father tends to her every need.


He is her nurse.
This is no small undertaking.
They are both in their mid 70's and it is killing me to watch my parents live like this.


Though not a nurse by training, he actually does an amazing job of taking care of her.
But they are both old.
And the time is coming for me to have to step in and intervene.


In addition...this past week, the mental illness kicked in again, and my mother is now muttering that she wants a divorce.


If my dad divorced her (which he won't) it would be a death sentence for her. 
She can not tend to her own bodily function needs, 
does not have the physical dexterity to cook, 
can not drive, 
can not tend to her own finances....it's a ludicrous thought. 


But she is full of venom and is trying to hurt the one who loves her the most.


I keep prompting my dad to go ahead and get situated in Assisted Living.
But he says that he is not ready yet.
There is a financial advantage to staying in the status quo for 2 more years.
And I have seen the paperwork, he is right.
They will have more monthly funding if he can hold out two more years...but this is sooo hard on them both.


Dad has already put in the due diligence on the matter though.
They have picked out where they want to go.
They have agreed on the floor plan of the type of unit they want.
All things are in order for that one day when they CAN go.


But Dad is adamant, that it is not time yet.


I do NOT want to step in and challenge his authority over his own life.
I do NOT want to have to over-ride his will and just "kidnap" (and I use the term gently here and without malice) them both in order to drop them off at the old folks home.
What a horrible thought!


But I suspect that such a day is coming like a freight train.


Nevertheless...Balance In All Things!


We first Learn about Dichotomy on the Playground...and then we spend the rest of our lives in the process of going up and down.


We know that every time we go up, we must come down
And we trust that every time we are down, we will rise again.


Balance In All Things!


So Raise Your Coffee Cups with me,  and let's have a Toast to this Giant Teeter-Totter Called LIFE.


Up, Down, Up, Down, Up, Down....


The next time that I am holding that Grandson of mine (which Lord Willing, will be today) I will sail up high on that teeter totter again.


Balance In All Things!.


In Him,
Grace