Doors, Gates and Submissive Trust

Greetings Everybody,

It's been a very very very long time since I have written any entries.

God has been working on me because I showed some knowledge gaps 

about Doors and Gates and Submissive Trust.

So let's start this entry by talking about doors.

    I keep seeing doors that I want to go through.

I keep asking God to bless me and help me go through these doors.

So many job applications.

 So many days of hoping for job interviews that are never granted.

I have continued to teach.

For 25 years I have continued to teach.

And I reach kids that nobody else can reach.

I am fully aware that I am involved in a type of Mission Work within the walls of a Public School.

 But I am a tired little Missionary.

Not bitter.

Not diminished.

Still at the top of my "A Game" in the classroom.

But my heart is weary and I have been seeking the door that will lead me OUT.

 But the only door I can get into is a revolving door.

The ongoing cycle of applying for jobs that I am highly qualified for... but being invisible is shocking to me.

I have never EVER been an invisible person.

Yet, in this case...it's as if I am totally 100% invisible.

I have asked and asked God to bless me and make me visible again.

He has blessed me in every other way.

But I remain invisible.

Meanwhile for years now I have been trying to find the door that will lead me out of the classroom. 

I have been doggedly trying to find the right door.

Speaking of doors,  here are a few famous ones (Yes I know that this seems a little abrupt, but please keep reading.  I assure you that I will bring this all back together in a just a bit):

Perhaps you will recognize The English Prime Ministers door at #10 Downing Street?

Or the door of Mr. Sherlock Holmes of 221b Baker Street?

Don't forget about the door upon which Martin Luther nailed the 95 Thesis.

It seems that the world is just filled with doors.

And all of them represent a way in or a way out or sometimes both.

Doors are really kinda symbolic of our life journeys.

It's all about choosing of the right doors to go through.

Consider the lessons that C. S. Lewis taught us in The Chronicles of Narnia.
When Lucy went through the doorway of the wardrobe, she was trying to hide.
She thought she would enter and then come out without consequence.

But entering that doorway changed her.

She entered a place that defied logic because it was bigger on the inside that it was on the outside.

Those children learned about a power much greater than themselves.

They learned to trust that a higher power controls their circumstances.

I know all about that kind of door.
I know about THE DOOR.
I know about faith that defies logic because it is bigger on the inside that it is on the outside.
I know about a power much bigger than me.
I know to trust that Higher Power that controls my circumstances
THE Door is Jesus Christ.

"I am the door; if anyone enters through Me, he will be saved, and will go in
 and out and find pasture."  John 10:9

I entered into that Door a very very long ago.

Yet in sneaky way, the evil one whispered to my pride that THAT DOOR expected me to be self-reliant.
So I puffed myself up with pride and started filling out job applications without asking God if he was finished with me in the classroom yet. 

I started knocking on doors to get a job that would take me out of the classroom.
It has been a heartache and an exercise in frustration and disappointment.
The more doors I knocked on, the more options I saw.

I saw doors that I want to go through in order to make more money.

I saw doors I want to go through that would grant me more power or more fame or more visibility.

I have been knocking on all sorts of doors with no answer despite how faithfully I have knocked.

Stupidly and in frustration, I tried quoting scripture to God.

(As if I mentioned scripture it would snap Him to attention and He would grant me my request.)

I tried Luke 11:9

"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." 

I quoted the scripture and then told Him that I believed that scripture, and then asked him to bring me to the door and open it for me.

He did not.

The more I claimed this scripture, and tried to show faith, the more invisible I have become.

In time God lead me to understand something about another type of doorway...a gate.
Take a look at Matthew 7:12-14

  "So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." 

I thought, "Hmmm...it's not much of a door is it?"

And God whispered, "Did you notice that this gate is always open?"

Next I thought, "I can't take much with me if I go through that skinny opening."

And again God whispered, "Don't rely on yourself, I will supply all your needs."

And then I thought a whole lot of  thoughts:

                                Hmmm! So what's my lesson here?"                         

"Am I supposed to NOT apply for spiffy positions that I am more than qualified for?"

          "Am I supposed to give up on wanting to advance and make more money?"
"Am I supposed to surrender my pride?"  

           "God you KNOW what has happened to our finances!" 

        "God you gave me a good brain and a ton of skills that could be used in profitable ways." 

"Why do you want me to stay in the classroom where I don't get to use all that you have given me?"

And God whispered once more, "I will provide what you need."

Eventually the truth of what I needed to do dawned on me.

And that truth is counter intuitive to my All American Sense of Self-Reliance.

The truth is that I need to simply submit to God Almighty in this area. 

I need to stop applying for other jobs, because apparently He isn't finished with me in the classroom yet!

I need to trust Him. 

I need to praise Him. 

I need to write about Him again. 

And I need to confess right now to My Heavenly Father and to whomever is reading this

 that I have been angry at God about my not being able to advance professionally,

and that in some kind of twisted logic 

I stopped writing about His Love, Peace Grace and Mercy. 

That was a stupid thing to do, because writing about God is something that brings me great joy.

God, I am so sorry for trying to run my own life,

and find my own doors, 

and seek my own counsel,

and make my own way in this world.

I walked away from that kind of thinking a long time ago.

I entered into your household of faith through The Door of your son, Jesus Christ.

He is the only door I need.

When times got rough, I stopped trusting you.

I tried to find the door that would help us financially instead of simply asking you to help us.

I tried to do it on my own.
And I am not good enough, or big enough or smart enough to do this.
But You Are!

You have patiently shown my hard-headed, pride-filled self that I need to simply trust you.

Please forgive me for my pride and arrogant thoughts and actions.
Please forgive me for not holding fast to the knowledge that you will protect and provide for us.

Father, the lesson finally got through and  I now know what I need to do:

It's called Submissive Trust.

Lord, I believe that you are more than able to guide our future, our finances, our marriage, 

and every aspect of our lives.

.

Please help me in my moments of weakness.

 And Please give me the strength to fight the Evil One 

when he tries to whisper "Entitlement" to me.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"  Ephesians 3:20-21

In Him, 
Grace